Seems a life time since the last entry. First chemotherapy done on the 27th. Nit the mist pleasant time but doable. Nausea and headache post treatment for three days with some dizziness for the next couple. Sore mouth was helped by copious applications of bonjeka whilst copious amounts of prunes helped other side effects. Still continuing to run, initially the fresh air helped the nausea latterly it helps the spirits! Downish moos today sourced by a need to visit the vale with a poisoned finger, not handled too well by me or Garret really with both of us falling at the guitar hurdle. He doesn't do emotional side effects and I get scared! Shal try not to hold onto the word martyr though. Leg hairs falling out so a whole forty minutes free a month as I am released fromthe tyranny of leg stripping... Head hair definitely loose despite cold cap treatment. Have a wig on order... Tears flowed as I tried them on cos I look so much better in them!!

B and B must go on!!

Such a conversation this morning with a guest suffering from alopecia who continually told me at least she did not have cancer and how awful that would be...Sleep was elusive last night...breast skin sensitive and my shoulder ached. I worried that running yesterday and boot camp Monday had shaken the stuffing around a bit but it seems okay this morning. Just tired of waiting!

tired

Feeling washed out and whimpy today, I need something to focus on and fill the waiting time up. Perhaps decorating the Hobbit room will do it!!? Normally I am tilting from Skiing to horse to running/swimming etc...what a saddo I am without those distractions! worried about Toby getting his mind sorted too which does not help...got to stop stressing Hah!! Easier said than done.

all happening here!!

Okay, the head was not in the right place to blog recently and the body was too busy over Christmas to think about such things. Op all over and done with, I thanked my stars that I am fit and healthy as I watched the 80 odd year old in the bed next to me start along a more severe surgical recovery than me with not so much support. Importantly I ran 2k today on the treadmill and nothing fell off or popped open and I did burn 311 calories. My flabby tum muscles flopping around were a minor distraction but they will get their turn soon when i can get back to boot camp!!

Telling time

Told the children tonight in an informal positive way...Garret plucking pheasants (no, really) and me ironing. Rosie jumped the gun of my rehearsed speech with the vital word and nearly knocked me off the rails....Luckily Garret stepped in and gave a shove in the right direction.... Toby looked the worst, a bit angry whereas the girls accept everything at face value. Typical reactions really...Freya "Can you catch it" Toby "If all these women raise so much money why can't you have your operation sooner....." Fair enough really! Probably "Love Actually" wasn't the best movie to watch as a family tonight...but we weathered it! And we all love Bill Nighy.

s'official

Consultant call last night so now we tumble headlong into upsetting everyone else's Christmas as well as mine! the words get easier the more you say it so maybe I will be ready by the time I tell the children. this has been put off cos Toby has a big test Thursday and then there is the Snow Ball Thursday night so we are heading for Friday. Told Mum, Liz. Nigel just Alison to go. Lizzie knows and Howard and Myrna so no more until the most important people have taken it in. MRA Monday etc etc etc. Wish I could switch my brain off......Garret takes it in his stride...or seems to. I will be okay.

D day or should that be C day?

Today was the day... Ushered in to see the surgeon whose name escapes me now but I am sure I will get to know pretty well. Quick feel around and the warning bells clamour as she sends me off for mammogram, ultrasound and a warning of s biopsy. No need to describe a mammogram to those who have had one but for anyone who hasn't imagine a vice and you are nearly there. Next to the US suite in slightly less joyous circumstances than my last one... No wait I have an internal one for gynae when I had to smother inappropriate giggles at being told I have a nice clean vagina. Well, what can a girl say to that?! This time the Dr breezed in with the news that my mammogram was fine but she would do the scan anyway. The momentary lifting of gloom was just that as after homing in on the lump she shifted to my underarm region. Upshot was a biopsy and discussions of future plans. Results next Tuesday, then MRI scan the following Monday because the mammogram didn't show a lump ( young breasts!! I was thrilled!). Surgery maybe on 30th so Happy New Year!! Out of the hospital by 11:30 and off back to the Christer world, thank goodness for self employed husbands who can stand by, ask the questions I was too numb to ask and be supportive. If I promise not to die he will do all he can but if I am gonna die then he might as well save his money! I wouldn't expect or want anything else....