feeling down

How do people manage to wait for weeks to get scans/appointments. Feeling a bit down, the waiting is so hard, the thoughts are so grim even when you try to stay positive. The blackest thoughts are of the very worse. Pure jealousy at future events I cannot even write down. Every night there is a moment that comes, that I cannot resist , cannot sleep without a furtive feel to check it is still there...and it is. there is soreness which i am taking as a good sign...a cyst or infection etc. Please......